My narrative

Keep my veteran status a secret, as military service is viewed as a permanent stain of trashiness or trauma to many people, and it is especially suspect on women. Female veterans are assumed to be unfeminine, disagreeable, lesbian, competitive with men, aggressive, traumatized from war, rape victims. That's the societal narrative.
To explain why I don't have immediate family, my story is this: I was raised by my late grandfather who spoiled and pampered me, my education is paid for (it was military tuition assistance but in this story it was through merit grants), he bought me a mink coat just like how he bought grandma a mink coat. Explain that "luxury" like fur coats are just practical and part of my family tradition and culture. None of my family members will meet my future partner. At all.
To explain my standard of living and luxury items, lean on the narrative that my grandfather gifted me these and left some money behind to show I grew up loved and pampered with high expectations, then lean on the fact that I bought myself these items and maintained my standard of living. Then at a deeper stage, highlight how I was treated by others by saying I was gifted these items by friends and previous suitors.
Don't tell him about growing up in the nearby suburbs because then he will ask questions and have a frame of reference to know what to expect, including what schools I went to, who do I know. Just bullshit and say I am from the old country, and going to an international school to explain why I am so fluent in English (and also explain my lisp, which is actually a speech disorder but most may just assume it's an accent). Don't even tell him about the relatives out in the suburbs. Then when I go to the old country with my partner, only visit relatives who can't speak English so it's believable that I have ties to the old country, but my relatives can't tell my partner anything that contradicts my narrative.
Omit details about my degree from the start, but when asked, say that I picked my major out of personal accomplishment and for my own interests rather than a career marker.
Keep art private at first. Saying "I’ll show you later" maintains mystery and intrigue. Frame my time around pilates, tennis, and occasional teaching is a great way to paint a picture of an active, fulfilling life.
Drop everyone who can contradict my narrative or can jeopardize it. Drop all my military friends or at least don't introduce them, don't let my future circle know about them
The mahr amount for a man to invest before marriage is about 3-12 months of his salary. I would expect him to spend at least $100k on me before engagement. Get a prenup, always, to establish ground rules and expectations before marriage. Also good to "fight" a couple times before marriage to see how they deal with conflict and establish the dynamics.

expectations

Find someone who can support our family on one income, with minimum asset of $5mil and an income of $500k/year. We should be able to get a beautiful home in a nice and safe neighborhood, preferably a waterfront home. I want beautiful memories for my future children.

I am single until I am married.

I will work, but once kids are in the picture, I am staying home for a few years. In the meantime I will only work for myself and the household.

Men are required to provide (food, shelter, clothes) for their wife. And if she doesn't want to work, she shouldn't. And even is she does, she's not required to split it. If he wants a better life, he should find ways of earning more.

Spouse's paycheck will be sent to me so I can manage the household and finances while he relaxes after work. His discretionary allowance is 20%, which he can do whatever he wants whether he spends it on himself or saves and invests them. I will practice hesokuri for future emergencies, perhaps 20% of husband's income. If I work, the funds are going into the emergency fund or to afford household help. Crypto is a hesokuri, and my dowry.

I will be primarily responsible for the upbringing and education of the children, with husband's input and preferences. Reggio Emilia preschool, private school, tutoring, extracurriculars, travelling with the children to expose them to different cultures.

Husband must prioritize family over his job. Being a father and husband comes first. He must make the time out of his busy schedule for our children and family time. I will help to make this possible for him. I wouldn't marry a man who saw fatherhood as a hobby and that he is "babysitting" his own kids.

In a heterosexual marriage with children, a woman's priority is to be a mother, and a man's job is to help her focus on being a mother. He should make it as easy and accessible for her to do her job, and make it so she enjoys motherhood. She will delegate responsibilities and tasks to him so she can focus on the children.

I will hire household help as needed, whether it is housecleaner or a cook. I will budget for this with my husband's income, or earn extra money myself to afford this. This will keep my stress level down and help make me emotionally available to my family and spend more time with them. I will hire a nanny or babysitter as needed to be able to spend time with my husband. Self care and maintaining my own body, health, and appearance is also important for our marriage so it's a worthwhile investment.

It's a requirement, not a luxury, for me to be able to access the gym and work out, get to the spa for massages and facials, get my manicure/pedicure, lashes and hair, a shopping budget, and get medical checkups (beauty is a reflection of health).

what I am looking for

Find someone who can support our family on one income, with minimum asset of $5mil and an income of $500k/year.

Multiple streams of income. Having one business or random investments is not enough.

He should be social and have a good network of friends (network is net worth), and care about passing on his legacy.

Great relationship with his parents

His attitude towards money and spending will stem from his childhood and relationship with his parents. He needs to know how to manage money, spend it, save it, invest it and multiply it.

What I bring to his life

- Sex and physical intimacy. Some men make the argument that we get sex from them, too, like it’s equal in both directions, but sex from men is generally not valuable compared to sex from women and anyone who says they are equal is delusional.

- By extension, children. Men literally cannot reproduce without a womb. Creating life is costly to the woman and her body.

- A good mother for the children…some men may not care and just want a woman to pop out any kid or maybe it was unplanned but finding a woman who is mother material to be able to nurture the kids so they don’t become fucked up is kinda important

- Beauty and ego boost. I dress well and take care of myself. I look nice and my bf is attracted to that, but also when I’m around my bf it makes him look good. My bf is not the most handsome fellow (lol hope he doesn’t read this) so it sends a message to others that he must have money/power/prestige or whatever to be able to be with me. This is an ego boost for him. Basically I provide the feeling that he got a prize and he can show me off.

- Believe it or not my intelligence…my bf wanted a woman he can bring around to his coworkers, someone who isn’t completely air headed and can’t make conversation and embarrasses him. This isn’t true for every type of provider man but it exists.

- He enjoys providing and enjoys making me happy. There is a certain satisfaction my bf gets. It’s like having a cute puppy and making sure the puppy is happy and content. I don’t mind being cute puppy sometime.

- We share the same values and are complimentary this way. My provider bf would not be able to date a 50/50 woman. I’ve known 50/50 women who would get mad when a man tries to provide or she feels a certain type of way about that like it’s an insult or she feels like she owes him something and doesn’t want to be manipulated or controlled. Providers need someone to provide for. 50/50 woman would not allow him to feel fulfilled in this manner.

- I help my bf do stuff when he doesn’t have time. Because my bf works so much, he literally doesn’t have time to do much else, including making appointments/research/hire people to do stuff for him. If I ever become a housewife, I would not need to do the dishes or clean up after him. We would hire cleaners but some one has to project manage the people who do the work and run the household. This takes a lot of brain power and time my bf simply does not have.

- I provide a challenge and inspiration for my bf when I set requirements. He’s naturally a top achiever and he wouldn’t want a woman who isn’t a challenge to help him become a better man.

- I mother his health and hygiene. Men seem to need this. My bf isn’t completely oblivious but if I weren’t there to remind him, some things would fall to the wayside. It helps them live longer and be more presentable to the world as well.

I didn’t list therapy/a listening ear, encouragement, or friendship because those things are mutual in platonic relationships.